Alone

Mom and her violin

October 28, 1990

Sunday morning

standing ever so impatiently at a table

waiting for the parents to take charge and

give me their kids dang order already!

Finally!

2 Teddy Bear Pancakes

2 Jr OJ’s

Got it.

” And for you Ma’am?”

A tap on my shoulder.

My boss.

“Follow me for a sec”

Puzzled

following….

walking outside.

My sister, 5 months pregnant.  Crying.

She never cries…what the hell is going on?

Kirk, my marine brother-in-law, in the Middle East.

Oh my God, no…he can’t be gone!

My husband, holding our 9 month old.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Sister:  There is no easy way to say this (still crying).

Mom is dead.

IMPOSSIBLE

Me: Car Accident?

Sister:  No.

Suicide.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PLEASE GOD NO!

THIS CANNOT BE

Staring blankly.

Cars rushing past on the freeway.

STOP!

Crying, shivering.

My boss is there still.

He hugs me.

I pull away.

Black mascara marks on his plain white dress shirt.

Weird.

Stupid.

Lost.

I am 5 years old again.

Empty.

Alone.

Advertisements

8 Comments

Filed under Family, Mom

8 responses to “Alone

  1. Tearing up & goosebumps…beautiful, thank you for sharing.

  2. Wow…that was heart-rending. I’m stunned. Thank you.

  3. I hate telling people that I have “enjoyed” reading this poems, because I don’t enjoy reading about such a dark time in someone’s life- but I am so thankful that many of you are sharing some of these stories with us. They are haunting & beautifully written and really make you appreciate what you have around you.

  4. Had to come back and read twice before I could leave a comment. There are only three things I can say about this poem. Haunting, Heartbreaking, Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this with us Leslie.

  5. mommylebron

    This poeming was very touching! Thank you for coming by!

  6. Painful… still so beautiful.

  7. Wow! I haven’t had to lose a parent as of yet. But I can only imagine. I guess that is what life is about…coming, living and then going. Sigh…

  8. It took me a while to get my thoughts together to reply to anyone’s comments so I am sorry about that. I do appreciate all of you taking the time to stop by and read this. It is just that it is so raw sometimes, even though it has been almost 20 years since I lost my mom. Writing this was very good for me. It was a long time in coming. I hadn’t written anything about her death in over 16 years. So, thank you once again for stopping by, reading and taking the time to comment. It really means a lot to me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s